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November 2008

 

Stress Management: Are you The Fixer?

Gratefully adapted with permission from Michael Bryant, President of Career Transition Services who can be reached at (410) 444-5857.

We experience stress from a variety of sources.  We bring some of that stress upon ourselves.  Lets examine one way we experience stress: The Fixer.

The  Behaviors:

  • I rarely have a minute to myself.
  • I find it very difficult to say "no" to a person or worthy cause requesting my help.
  • I consistently over-commit.
  • I seem to get caught up in everyone else's problems.
  • I often view other people's needs as more important than my own.
  • I sometimes find myself feeling guilty that I don't do enough.
  • I rarely ask for what I truly want.
  • I normally put my needs last.
  • I secretly believe I only have value when I am doing something for someone else.

The Problems:

  • Others determine your self worth.
  • You may feel resentful about being asked.
  • You may develop a victim mentality.
  • Because you are not the cause of other people’s problems, it will be hard for you to be the solution.
  • The more you take on, the more inadequate you will feel.  This will necessitate doing even more, creating a never-ending cycle that does further damage to your already low self-esteem.
  • Your preoccupation with other people will cause the problems in your life to get increasingly worse because of your lack of attention.

Some Solutions:

  • Learn to say no - and mean it. Don’t feel like you have to explain yourself if you don’t want to do something.  “Because” is a perfectly good answer.
  • Ask for what you want.
  • Teach others how to do the tasks you now do for them.
  • Mind your own business.
  • It’s okay to care about what other people think of you.  Just don’t make their opinion of you more important than your opinion of you.

Michael Bryant - Corporate Trainer

Has twenty years experience facilitating organizational change by teaching how to improve communication, share accurate information, and involve others in decisions.  He can be reached by phone at (410) 444-5857 or by  e-mail at mb3126@gmail.com

 

 



 

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